Monday

[food] To eat before I die

Yet some more things to worry about doing before I die. BBC posts a list of 50 things to eat before you die. Let's see, I haven't tried:

11. Moreton Bay Bugs

Don't like the sound of that. But they're probably not really bugs, right? It looks like a cross between a lobster and a crab. Hey, I like lobster and I like crab so that would mean I'd love these bugs. Only, I wouldn't call them bugs.

19. Cream tea

Silly me for thinking this was just tea with cream in it. I could easily have said, "Yeah, done it. Thank heavens I tried that before I died." Apparently, cream tea consists of clotted cream, scones, jam and tea. And you have to have it at 4:00 pm. And the clotted cream has to come from Devonshire. And the jam has to be home-made. And the scones still have to be warm from the oven. Uh, I'm getting hives just thinking about it. It sounds too stuffy and uptight.

22. Kangaroo

... Really. So during my inevitable trip to Australia to eat all these things I simply must in order to pass on in peace, I'm meant to have freaky lobsters and kangaroo. Kangaroo. Hey, what if you're a vegetarian? You obviously won't eat all this fish and meat. Are you going to die unhappy/unfulfilled? And if you're a vegan- forget about all that clotted cream, man. Well, I'd try kangaroo. I'll probably be crying while I'm chewing but I'd try it once.

32. Guinea pig

What? No, man, they are too fucking cute. No way am I going to eat something I can pick up at the pet store. No. No way. Forget it. I mean, if I was stuck on an island of New Guinea and there were all these little native guinea pigs running around and I was starving, I would probably catch a couple and roast them over and open fire but only under those dire circumstances.

35. Paella

What is that? Oh yeah, this would kick ass. Finally, something on the list that I might actually be able to make at home. I'll just add this to my list:

- Make some paella
- Be one step closer to dying happily

36. Barramundi

I mean, can we please pick more obscure food? Sautéed rats with a side of krispy ants- you simply have to have that before you die. Let's see what the hell barramundi even is... It's fish. Fish from Australia! What, I have to eat everything alive in and around Australia? It's that great? ... I guess it would be cool to say that I've eaten a hermaphrodite fish. Unless that's common. Are lots of fish hermaphrodites?

40. Australian meat pie

Australia. What a surprise. Let me guess what's in the meat pie: koala, wallabee, platypus and wombat. Oh, just beef. How boring. I swear, if I do end up making it over to Australia, I'll probably leave 20 pounds heavier.

42. Durian fruit

Interesting. Let me guess- can only be found on the island continent of Austra- Oh, it's native to Malaysia and Indonesia. "Described as tasting like heaven and stinking like hell. The fruit is large and covered in spines with a really rich creamy flesh which tastes like cream cheese and onions." Yummy. "It has an extremely offensive odor described as garlic like, similar to stinky feet, and like Limburger cheese. Some countries even ban the presence of durian in hotels and on public transportation due to its offensive smell." Mmm, mmm. But too bad I'm allergic to tropical fruits. Oh well, so sad.

48. Haggis

I'll die happy if I don't ever try this. What is it again? Sheep liver, heart and lung stuffed inside a sheep bladder? I don't ever want to make something that would have be puking all over it during the preparation process. And I don't want to eat it. Ever. Maybe once. Covered in ketchup.

49. Cornish pasty

I love pasties, but I figure- "You tried one pasty, you tried 'em all." I'm not going all the way over to Cornwall just for a stupid meat-filled pasty. Meat and potato and onion and... Mmmm, okay I'm drooling a little.

* * * Amy's Note * * *

An obvious and glaring item missing from this list is kimchi. I'm not trying any of it until they add it.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

2 comments:

Jonathan S. said...

I had haggis. It tastes like oatmeal, if oatmeat tasted like weird meat. So, if you're into either a) oatmeal, or b) weird meat, this might be the dish for you. I recommend, however, to bring the ketchup.

Anonymous said...

hi amy about cricket fighting could u get two crickets to fight and take some photoes of the fight and put them on the site it sounds exciting to watch and could u tell us if they fight to the death loveeddy