[books] Incoming Call. From: GOD (new number)

I’ve taken the 9/11 Commission Report and Diary of a Teenage Girl from my “Currently Reading” list to the left because, I’m not gonna lie to you, I don’t know when I’ll get through them and I have a crapload of other reading to do. So.

I finished Tribulation Force last night. This is Book 2 of the Left Behind series, which I find interesting. The rapture has taken place and loads of people have disappeared from earth (and are presumably in heaven). Those left behind have to deal with the upcoming 7 years of trials and tribulations, the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, the antichrist and devil and all that. In the aftermath of the disappearances, there are two witnesses known as Eli and Moishe (a.k.a. Elijah and Moses) who pray/preach at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. They also happen to breathe fire and incinerate anyone who tries to harm them.

A couple of the characters in the book get a chance to get close and talk to Eli and Moishe. It was all, “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.” It was an intense conversation with these ancient, sweat stained men in tattered robes. The conversation ended with Eli and Moishe speaking directly into the two characters’ hearts.

The next day, one of the characters, a respected Rabbi, gives a surprising and controversial telecast to the world. He runs home for safety and bbbbring bbbbring goes the telephone. Is it the newspapers? Incised orthodox jews? No. It’s Eli. Calling on the telephone: “Hello, Rabbi? Hi, this is Eli. We spoke last night, remember? I was all intimidating and speaking without actually talking and trying to resist the urge to set things on fire with my mouth because, ha ha, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. Am I right? So listen, about this telecast you gave- I saw it. Loved it. I think you should come over here aaaand we’ll have a little pow-wow, you know, toss some ideas around about what to do about the inevitable arrival of the devil. How does that sound? Good? All right, you’re brill, love ya, I’ll send a car to pick you up. Toodles.”

The conversation didn’t go exactly like that but I couldn’t believe that Eli called the Rabbi up on the telephone. Up until that point, Eli and Moishe had been very mystical and it all came crashing down with that specific use of technology. You’d think, right?, that if Eli could do all sorts of crazy things and has the will of God on his side, he could just appear in the Rabbi’s living room, like a hologram or something, deliver an important message in a booming/echoy voice and dissipate. Right? On top of that, he’s not meant to move from the Wailing Wall for two years! I’ve never been, but I don’t imagine there are pay phones lining the outside of it. So what did Eli do? Pull out his cell, call up God and ask to be put through to the Rabbi?

A telephone… I can’t believe it…


Anonymous said...

Yeah, living through the apocalypse has gotta suck.

We ought to be able to give a good read on it before long, though.

Anonymous said...

Also, wouldn't it just be the shit kind of funny if God pulled the whole lever, you know, skies of fire, horsemen, seraphim, trials tribulations and the like, went through the judgment -and then in the end was like PSYCH, and sprung it on you that we were all on an otherworldly kind of Candid Camera -I know that I would just piss myself laughing.