A Visit to the Eye Doctor

Assistant: The Doctor will be with you in a moment. Have a seat on your left.

Amy: [Sit in chair on right]

Assistant: Your other left. [Leaves room.]

Amy: Bitch.

Doctor: [Enters] Hi my name’s Donna Reed how are we doing today you’re here for a routine check-up?

Amy: Well, I wore glasses in high school and not since then. So… I’m wondering how my eyes are doing. I need a new pair of glasses.

Doctor: Okay let’s take a look I just need you to rest your chin in the bar there yup and look though the view finder straight ahead and tell what are the smallest letters you can read.

Amy: Are you kidding me? I can barely read the top line.

Doctor: Go ahead and give it a try.

Amy: B… O… umm… M?... P. R.

Doctor: [Flips on different lenses] And now?

Amy. E G H A K.

Doctor: Good.

Amy: Wow, I’m like, almost blind.

Doctor: Looking at that top line, is it better or worse with lens one [Flips lens] or two [Flips another lens]. One [flips] or two [flips] or about the same?

Amy: Two is better.

Doctor: One [flips] or two [flips] … one [flips] or two [flips] or about the same.

Amy: Same

Doctor: Three [flips] or four [flips] … three [flips] or four [flips] or about the same.

Amy: Four.

[10 minutes later.]

Doctor: Looking at the green side and the red side are the letters more or less fuzzy on the green side or the red side or about the same?

Amy: Same.

Doctor: [Flips] And now?

Amy: Uh… green is a little more fuzzy.

Doctor: Okay [flip flip flip flip flip flip flip flip] I would like you to read the letters from the bottom line.

Amy: Z P E G A.

Doctor: Good [Brings up row of smaller letters] How about these?

Amy: B D S… E… Q?

Doctor: Good I’m just going to take a look at your eyes now look at my shoulder… look up… to the right… to the left… and down… [Repeats on other eye] Now I’m down to take a look at the back of your eye [Using bright yellow light, repeats steps]. Okay. [Moves view finder and turns on light.] Your eyes look perfectly healthy.

Amy: Good.

Doctor: It’s looks as though you’re near sighted in your right eye and far sighted in your left eye that means you’re using both your eyes- the right to see things far away and the left to see things close up- but you’re not really using them together.

Amy: …

Doctor: And you have a slight astigmatism in your left eye.

Amy: … Am I gonna die?

Doctor: Hardly I have to admit though it’s a little irregular I’ve never seen anything like it do you have a problem with your depth perception?

Amy: When I’m driving at night, I can’t really see pedestrians until I’m almost on top of them.

Doctor: I’m going to fill out this prescription and you can have a pair of glasses as soon as tomorrow your vision will actually be better than 20 /20 the bottom most line that you read was 20/15 which is very good.

Amy: Can I get contacts, too?

Doctor: Have you ever had contacts?

Amy: No.

Doctor: I’m hesitant about continuing this check-up to include getting you fitted for contacts because you’ve never had them I’d like to wait a couple weeks and see how often your wearing you glasses is it only to drive home or go to the theater

Amy: No, I like seeing crisp edges to things.

Doctor: Exactly are you going to wear them all the time for clarity so I just think it would be best to wait a couple weeks and then we’ll give you a trial pair of contacts and give your instructions on how to put them in take them out you know.

Amy: Okay. Thank you.

Doctor: You’re welcome have a nice day.

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