Tuesday

[movies] Not a perv

The corn saga continues. We got a Netflix-like subscription to Empire DVD, which has a whole corn section. They send the movies in unmarked blue envelopes (which are much sturdier than the Netflix ones) so the Post Office people don't know to scribble "PERVERT!" all over it before shoving it into your box.

Is it just me, or when you're talking about corn does everything you say sound dirty?

We've gotten several movies now- Some better than others; none as terrible as the first one I got from Videostop.

# # #

KEN: What are you guys up to tonight?

AMY: We're going to watch a movie.

KEN: Anything good?

AMY: It's actually... corn.

KEN: O RLY?

AMY: Yeah. *ahem* Yeah. We saw Oasis Delirium 4 the other night. It was interesting. There was no sound, just soothing music, with slow motion shots of girls rolling around in sand, played in reverse and such... It was mildly artsy. The bonus is that you can watch it as loud as you want and all your neighbors will think you're just listening to soothing music. But I still like the ones with a story. Like, "But I don't want to marry you, Sir Reginald. You are a rake."

KEN: All I can say is- You rock, Amy, and Dollar's a lucky guy.

[THE NEXT DAY]

DOLLAR: Do you want me to send back any of the DVDs?

AMY: I already sent back the first two we watched, when I sent back Battlestar.

DOLLAR: Oh, I didn't know if we should stagger them.

AMY: Well that's what I'm doing. Pirates is still up there since we didn't get too far into it on Sunday night. I kept it in case we actually want to watch it.

DOLLAR: I don't really care one way or the other.

AMY: [silence]

DOLLAR: What?

AMY: I watched it again last night.

DOLLAR: Everybody! Hey everybody! My girlfriend is a corn freak!

AMY: SHHHH!! Whatever. We didn't miss much. It wasn't a very good movie.

DOLLAR: No kidding.

AMY: It had a bunch of the same people from Oasis Delirium 4 in it. The corn community must be kind of small.

DOLLAR: [silence]

AMY: That one guy, the guy playing the pirate hunter, was trying to act. Or, he at least remembered his lines. The girls were like, "Stop this... Hey, what's my line? Oh. Ahem. Stop this charade. You... You... What's my line? You have... nothing... to fear." And that one girl, one of the ones from the brothel, actually said, "You are soooo key-yute!" to him. I mean, hello? It's supposed to be the 1800's. Why are you talking like a valley girl?

DOLLAR: [silence]

AMY: Is it freaking you out I'm so into these movies now?

DOLLAR: Kind of.

# # #

AMY: Oooo, we finally get to watch a movie with Jenna in it! Is that her?

DOLLAR: Yeah.

AMY: I can't tell. She looks like all the other ones. Blond hair, lots of eye make-up, lipstick... I thought she would be distinctive but it's like I forget what she looks like the second she's off camera. You know what I mean? They ALL look the same.

DOLLAR: Yeah but all those other girls are copying Jenna. She was the first one to have the big blond hair, big chest look.

AMY: No way!

DOLLAR: Before that, in the 70's and 80's, everyone in corn was ugly. When is this movie from?

AMY: Whoa! 1996! That's, like, 10 years ago. We were seniors in high school. ... Jenna must be kinda old. ... I want to study the history of corn. How it has developed and evolved since, say, the 1950's.

DOLLAR: Really?

AMY: Yeah. For example: The Bicycle Thief is to Italian Neorealism as what is to straight corn?

DOLLAR: I have no idea.

AMY: I'm just saying. Time to get some more books from Amazon.

DOLLAR: Get a Kama Sutra book while you're there.

# # #

AMY: [folding socks] Jeesh, when is this movie from? It looks old, right?

DOLLAR: I'm not sure... It says 2005 on the sleeve.

AMY: It looks old.

DOLLAR: Yeah, it does.

AMY: It must be the type of film they used. You know how Dr. Who always looked British?

DOLLAR: Yeah, I see what you mean.

AMY: [putting away laundry] I think the editing is the only thing saving this movie. Without all the jump cuts, it would suck. ... Oop, I just caught a continuity mistake. See, the people are standing on the ground but when it switches to Justine's POV... wait for it... See? Back there, they're still on top of the dumpster. Ha ha ha-

DOLLAR: You know we're perverts for watching this stuff.

AMY: [stops] WHAT? [throw a pair of socks at DOLLAR] No we're not!

DOLLAR: Yes we are.

AMY: Well I'M NOT. I'm taking an academic approach to these movies. I'm just...It's a different form of entertainment. These movies have historical value.

DOLLAR: ?

AMY: Look, do you want me to keep watching these with you or not?

DOLLAR: You're not a pervert.

AMY: Thank you.

1 comment:

Shelby said...

Dude, Jenna does some...sketchy ones. Empire rocks, though. Corn rules. Amusing, if nothing else!