Monday

Hello. Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving and slept off all that tryptophan. I took Friday off as well, so it was a nice long weekend. Thanksgiving itself was rather uneventful but it’s always a new experience having a meal with my Korean aunt, uncle and cousins. During dinner, Jason picked up the bottle of wine and went to refill his glass, at which point my aunt jumped up and tried to grab the bottle from him. A tugging match ensued, droplets of wine spraying across the table, until Jason shouted, “Fine! Just take it!” Then my aunt calmly refilled his glass and set the bottle down. Then my mother burst out laughing because it’s Korean custom that you should never pour yourself wine. Someone older at the table should always do it for you. Oh, okay now I understand. If that hadn’t been explained to me, it would have just been another odd family occurrence unquestionably filed away.

Something else: I noticed my mom doesn’t have a bread knife while I was at her place, helping to prepare the meal. I asked her if she’d like one for Christmas and she nearly dropped the turkey. You should never give someone you like a knife as a present. Never. It means you’re cutting the relationship, [cutting hand through the air in a chopping motion], ending the friendship. Okaaay, I didn’t know that. And out of the blue she says when I find a man I like, I should give him salt and pepper shakers. Why, I ask, expecting a profound, Confucius-like reason. Because, salt and pepper, they always go together. I thought about it and it made sense, but then I started thinking about how weird it would be to date guy for a while and suddenly say, “I have a very special present for you.” He’d open up a box containing a pair of salt and pepper shakers, frown, look at me and I’d mouth the words, ‘I love you.’ I’d look like a total lunatic. No, I don’t think that’d work.

Thanksgiving evening I went to see Timeline. Talk about an eye-rolling movie. I was entertained for two hours but this movie had some of the worst lines. The lead female character whines at one point, “I killed a man. I have to live with that.” She appears to be distraught over the fact but less than two minutes later, she’s slamming a sizable rock across a knight’s face. If she’s that blood thirsty, what was she complaining about earlier? Also, one of the archeologists, Marek, excavated a tomb in our present time and saw that the statue of the man only had one ear. This perplexed and excited him (because he’s a dork). When he went back in time, he got his ear chopped off. Immediately, he starts smiling and screaming, “It’s me! It’s me! I’m the one in the tomb!” My mouth drops open as I’m watching this. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. If it was me in his place, my initial reaction would have been, “My EAR! My fucking ear is gone! Where’s my- I can’t believe-“ Commence hyperventilating and passing out.

Let’s see. Friday nothing happened. I finally finished Eragon, which was only ‘Okay.’ Too much like Lord of the Rings. The Bartumeaus Trilogy, The Amulet of Samarkand was fantastic. I couldn’t put it down. It’s all about magicians conjuring demons to do their bidding, exact revenge, etc. It’s also really funny. Read it.

Saturday, somewhere around 4:00 am, I got sick. Really sick. I don’t think it was food poisoning but it was bad. Everything inside me came up and I couldn’t even keep water down. I knew the only cure was Gatorade. I lay curled in bed, shivering, until I heard Barbara get up. “Barbara,” I feebly called. She came into my bedroom to see what the matter was. I explained as best I could and said, “Gator-ade. Please, take all the money on my wallet and buy me as much Gatorade as you can…” She sent Jason out because she’s lazy and I spent the next twenty-five minutes dying slowly as I listened for the sound of his car coming up the hill. Finally, when Barbara passed by my room, I asked her, “Where the fuck is Jason? Didn’t he just go to the Mini Mart at the bottom of the hill? [Demon voice] I need Gatorade NOW.” She said she thought he went to P&C. What? P&C is like a million miles away. I sob quietly, tearlessly (because I’m so dehydrated) into my pillow. Eventually, I quench my thirst but spent all day bed, suffering bouts of shivering, sweating and aching.

Sunday was spent battling a migraine the size of Texas and saying over and over, “I can’t believe how sick I was yesterday…”

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