Music Review

I don't know if everything thinks this way... I suspect it's just me. See, in my head, I win the lottery when it's at, like, 200 million dollars. With my newfound wealth, I'm at liberty to do all kinds of extravagant things like (the scenario usually running through my head) throw a huge, P-Diddy style bachelor party for one of my friends. It doesn’t matter what guy it is, there’s going to be hundreds of people there anyway.

This party is going to take a YEAR to plan, so I hire all kinds of personal assistants and go around hiring college girls to be dancers at it (because I suspect that veteran stripper-dancer women have a halo of invisible yet omnipresent “skank” about them). So these college girls don’t have to get naked, it’s not like that. They just need to be able to do cool things to music. Like… juggle. Or spit fire. In my mind, it’s like Cirque du Soleil, except not for children.

So this is how I decide what music or songs I like: Would I use it in the imaginary Bachelor-Party-to-end-all-Bachelor-Parties Party?

Propellerheads; Decksandrumsandrockandroll
It's okay. Starts off pretty strong but it doesn't seem too listenable to me. Everyone seems to know “History Repeating” song but I like “Better” the best. It’s a shame it’s only two minutes long.

David Holmes: Lets Get Killed
“Gritty Shaker” is really good… once the song finally kicks in. Holmes spends so much time trying to incorporate NYC sounds and people that the music sometimes take a backseat. I don’t want to listen to some guy talking about what my sign means, I want to bop my head to music. “Rodney Yates” is good and reminds me of some Amon Tobin stuff.

Olive: Extra Virgin
This is a woman singing in a soft, sexy, ethereal way over phat beats. It appears to me that if my favorite music isn’t created by two guys messing around with electronics (Groove Armada, Crystal Method, Chemical Bros., Daft Punk, Air, Death in Vegas, Underworld, Thievery Corporation), it’s two or three guys fronted by a female singer (Morcheeba, Supreme Beings of Leisure, Massive Attack). This is pretty good. “Outlaw” is fun. “Killing” is a highly listenable song and it’s got smart lyrics.

Basement Jaxx: Kish Kash
I don’t really like it. I want to return it. Alex, if you’re reading this, this crap purchase is all your fault. I’m never listening to you again. “Plug It In” (featuring J.C. Chasez) makes me want to claw my eyeballs out. “Lucky Star” (featuring Dizzee Rascal) makes me want to repeatedly step on my own feet whist banging my head against a brick wall. “Good Luck” (featuring Lisa Kekaula) doesn’t suck. I don’t know what kind of drugs I need to be on to enjoy this album in it’s entirety, but you can count me out.

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