Tuesday

[amy] Corn

AMY: We need to get some corn.

DOLLAR: Uh... Is this a trick?

AMY: Don't you have any?

DOLLAR: I got rid of all mine.

AMY: WHAT? When?

DOLLAR: Right after we started going out.

AMY: Great! Perfect! Now what are we gonna do?

DOLLAR: Rent some, I guess.

[AMY goes to the video store while DOLLAR stays at home to work]

AMY: Hello, I'd like to open an account.

VIDEO GUY: Oh, I remember you from the White River video store.

AMY: Oh. Okay.

VIDEO GUY: Your cousin rents here.

AMY: Really.

VIDEO GUY: And your mom.

AMY: Uh...

VIDEO GUY: Your mom rents a lot of movies here.

AMY: Yeah.

VIDEO GUY: Let’s make sure your account is up to date.

AMY: Yeah.

[Later]

VIDEO GUY: Okay, you're all set.

AMY: Super. Could *ahem* Can I be let into the you-know-what room?

VIDEO GUY: They're actually right there. [points]

AMY: Okay.

[Flipping through dirty, dirty movie titles. More people enter the store. AMY grabs one and brings it to the front (cutting off an old couple on the way).]

AMY: [throws picture at VIDEO GUY like a frisbee]

VIDEO GUY: [discreetly puts picture under the counter, retrieves a black unmarked dvd case, rings it in.] That'll be five dollars.

AMY: [hands VIDEO GUY five dollar bill]

VIDEO GUY: Thank you.

AMY: Thanks. [Leaves]

[Back at home, in the driveway, AMY tucks the movie into the back of her pants and goes inside.]

DOLLAR: [Looks up expectantly]

AMY: [Shows hands] I couldn't do it.

DOLLAR: What?

AMY: [Takes off coat] There were too many people there.

DOLLAR: WHAT?!

AMY: It was freaking me out, all right?

DOLLAR: That doesn't seem like you. To chicken out.

AMY: HEY! My mother rents from there!

DOLLAR: I can't-

AMY: Just kidding! AHH haha HAH hahHA- [pulling movie out and thrusts it into DOLLAR's face]- hhhah HAHAhahh HAHAh hAHH!!

DOLLAR: [heaves sigh of relief]

AMY: It's called "I [made tender yet passionate love to] my High School Teacher. Eight."

DOLLAR: That's messed up.

AMY: Tell me about it. I just wanted to grab one and get out of there. But seriously though, my mom rents from there.

[Later, watching the movie.]

AMY: So how is he her high school teacher?

DOLLAR: I don't know, but this is the worst corn I've ever seen in my life. And I've seen a lot.

AMY: The whole set is creepy.

DOLLAR: Really, corn can be so much better than this.

AMY: It's like not even a set; it's a bare white room with a mattress on the floor.

DOLLAR: The only thing on the wall is a thermostat... Aaaand she's about to hit her head on it.

AMY: The dude is gross... Ew!

DOLLAR: You can tell she's just there to get her crack money and get out.

AMY: Is she passed out? ... No, okay, she's awake. Whew. I thought it was roofie time. She's just bored.

DOLLAR: Hahahah hahah haha- This is so bad- Hahahah hahha hahaha.

AMY: Hahahahah- Ew, did you just see that? Hahahha hahah hah.

DOLLAR: Skank.

AMY: Where's- There's no plot. This is kind of sad. You know what, I can't watch it anymore.

DOLLAR: Okay. [Turns movie off] Don't worry. I'll get us some better stuff to watch.

AMY: Something with a plot.

DOLLAR: No, I know exactly what you're talking about. There's this one production company that specializes in unoffensive corn you can watch with your girlfriend-

AMY: Okay I don't care that you know so much about this stuff, I'll just trust you to pick something out.

4 comments:

scully said...

Funny post. Can, um, Dollar post the name of the girlfriend/wife-friendly corn production site? Thanks.

and this post gives the title of the blog a whole new meaning now. :)

amy said...

I think he said Vivid. Or Adam and Eve movies. I'd Google it to find out for sure buuuuut... I'm not going to.

Angela said...

i can't believe that dollar got rid of all his corn. (really, I can't)
I know that Adam still has to have some at least.

Mark Sasahara said...

It's somewhere on his 'puter. Why rent/buy discs or tapes when you can download?

Very funny.