Thursday

Josh over at This is Not a Pipe makes reference to the new MTV show Rich Girls. I’ve seen it a couple times. It’s about Tommy Hilfiger’s daughter and… some other girl. They’re really rich and all they do is shop, bitch, cry and say stupid things. There’s this one guy who, I don’t know, one of the girl’s likes but he’s friends with both, whatever. I flip to the show and the guy, Mike, is crying. I mean, absolutely sobbing. Snot running down his face and everything. I think, “Whoa… what happened?” He’s in the middle of saying: “We’re friends, you know? Do you know [sob] how much it hurts me when [sob] you said that? [Wiping away snot, strings of spittle stretching across mouth] I just- I thought we were, like, friends. It was, like, you and me and Allie. [Some random guy sits on stone wall next to them. Mike turns to the guy.] What are you doing?... Get out of here. [Other guy says he just wants to sit there.] You’re a fucking loser. Get out of here! [Other guy can’t believe he’s being attacked like this.] Well you are a fucking loser, now get out of here! I’m kind of in the middle of something here!” And on it went… That Mike is a pansy-ass jerk-off. I’d like to meet him on the street some time and kick him where it counts. What a jerk.

A show that I enjoy immensely on MTV is Room Raiders. Three people (usually girls) are grabbed from their homes while a guy goes through each room and decides who he wants to take out on a date- without ever having met the girls! What makes this show great is that the guys always pass judgment against the girls based on the lamest things they find.

Guy: [Holds up a wig.] What is this? Why does she have a wig? She’s obviously insecure about who she is.

Girl 1: [Watching guy on monitor in a van.] That was for Halloween. I’m not insecure.

Guy: [Opening freezer, seeing bottles of liquor. Liquor on top of fridge.] Lots of booze here. I don’t know, maybe girl number two has a drinking problem.

Girl 2: We had a party last weekend. It’s all left-over from that.

Guy: [Checking alarm clock.] 9:02. Who gets up at 9:02? … I guess she doesn’t need to get up early for anything… Like a job.

Girl 2: That was from when I took a nap! It’s set for 9:02 at night!

Guy: [Pulls out denture cream from nightstand drawer.] Whoa! This girl does NOT have dentures!

Girl 3: [Screaming at TV monitor on van.] It’s my grandmother’s! She stayed in my room a while ago!

Some of these guys, though, are really sneaky. They’ll check what websites the girls have been to on their computers, they’ll always check out the underwear and bra drawers (some of them even smart enough to check bra sizes). Occasionally they’ll check under the bed or read private passages from diaries and notes. They also use a blacklight to check the sheets for any suspicious stains.

Guy: Let’s do the blacklight test. [Turns off lights, passes light over pillow. Huge, misshapen stain appears.] OH MY GOD! What is that? [Passing light back and forth.] What is that? Ugh.

Girl: [Screaming at monitor] It’s just bleach! I bleached my hair!!

Guy: … Ugh. That- that is disgusting. I don’t even want to know what that is.

And then, of course, when I’m watching this with my sister, she has to ask, “So, Amy. If I guy came into your room, what do you think would happen?” And I say, “Well, he’d say, ‘Look at all the books. There’s, like, a million books in here. And… dirty clothes on the floor. And old coffee cups on the desk. And her underwear isn’t very sexy.'” Awww… So sad.

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