Extreme Beer Tasting

Magic Hat: #9

This is one of my absolute favorite beers. The only drawback I can see that that it would be classed as a ‘girl beer’ since this “not quite pale ale” is brewed with the essence of apricot. It’s tasty like a mo-fo, don’t get me wrong, but you really wouldn’t see a macho man drinking it. Maybe one of the preppy stock exchange guys.

Magic Hat is brewed in South Burlington, Vermont. One thing I really like about their beer is that there’s a random, often mystifying, rhyme printed on the inside of all their bottle caps. This one says, “Milk a cow till it says ‘WOW’”. What does that mean? No really, there must be a person checking all the rhymes to ensure that no obscene ones (eg. I’ve got class so kiss my ass) come through. So who read “Milk a cow till it says ‘WOW’!” and went, “Next!”?

For the most part, you need to be high to really appreciate the bottle cap messages. I suspect this is because there are a couple dudes up in Burlington who think this shit up by taking a hit off the bong, pausing… and then issuing forth prophetic statements wrapped in smoke. “If you want to stay, you must par-tay”. Dude! That’s a good one. Wait-wait- what about, “Wipe your sleeve to believe”. Fuckin’ awesome man! Write that shit down!

So then, somewhere in Vermont…

Fred: Hey man, here’s a beer.

Eric: Thanks dude. [Opens the beer, reads the cap] ‘Wipe your sleeve to believe’.

Fred: [Looking at Eric’s sleeve] Whoa man! You have some peanut butter on your sleeve! Look!

Eric: [Looking] Whoa… [Wipes it away with finger, sticks finger into mouth, sucking off peanut butter]

Fred: … How did they know?

Eric: Dude… How did they know?

Fred: So… like… what do you believe now?

Eric:… I believe… in the Universe. Like, there are no accidents. I mean, I had stuff on my sleeve and I didn’t know until I read the cap. It was, like, a- a- a- message or something.

Fred: You think those Magic Hat guys are really magicians?

Eric: Probably. [Takes sip, shrugs] How else could they have known? What does your cap say?

Fred: [Reading cap] ‘Kill your friend to make the mend.’

Eric: What?

Fred: Sorry, dude.


EBT Rating: *********-

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