Thursday

Song lyrics always have hidden meanings whether the singer or song writer is aware of it. Since most of us no longer listen to our everyday music on vinyl, we can’t play the songs we know and love backwards to extract the mystic context. I found a handy dandy tool, though, to extract the underlying messages. I’ve learned a lot about today’s pop stars and I’d like to share of my findings…


SONG: P.I.M.P. by 50 Cent

ACTUAL:
I don't know what you heard about me
But a bitch can't get a dollar out of me.
No Cadillac, no perms, you can't see
That I'm a motherfucking P-I-M-P

HIDDEN:
I do not know
this what you no Cadillac meant to say in me
but a female with a dollar of me
permian of aucuns, at the constre├▒imiento arrives
I cannot see that you can this that motherfucking a UPHOLDER.


50 Cent is secretly crooning a love ballad disguised as filthy rap anthem. Women want to pay him a dollar to drive around in his Cadillac but they don’t see 50 for what he really is: a motherfucking upholder. He’s upholds his women on pedestals.

SONG: Crazy in Love by Beyonce

ACTUAL:
Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now (your love)
Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's
Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's
Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin
Got me lookin so crazy your love

HIDING:
the extension considers alcohol-ill person
at this moment considered
therefore it loved alcohol-ill person (you love)
alcohol-ill person in this hope of the moment therefore
(its contact) of you who it them numbers of the page
had at this moment provided her
kiss I on therefore hope you-


All right, all right. I get the idea. Apparently she hates it when fans show up to her concerts all wasted and stare at her through bleary, bloodshot eyes. Also, she wears hair extensions and is illiterate. And she had a three-way with the other Destiny’s Child girls last summer.

SONG: Fighter by Christina Aguilera

ACTUAL:
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Ohh, ohh, ohh, ohhhh, ohh-yeah ah uhhhuh

BUT IT REALLY MEANS:
the causes for the marks I that marcature
that one are much more strong he who
the forms very ordered
more intelligent little hardly
therefore I carry far to give the form that a combatant stimulated it
form a Ohh of the combatant
ohh, ohh, ohhhh, uhhhuh of ohh yes OH


Christina was going out with a really smart, really strong guy who liked to beat her up. One day she realized she had had enough and decided to became a Fighter (hence, the title of the song). After she finished beating shit out of the dude, she had sex with herself. Or maybe she had sex with the combatant she hired to beat him up, because she’s really tiny and I don’t think she can beat anyone up. But at the core of it, she’s the one who became a fighter.

SONG: Bring Me Back to Life by Evanescence

ACTUAL:
(Wake me up) Wake me up inside
(I can't wake up) Wake me up inside
(Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up) bid my blood to run
(I can't wake up) before I come undone
(Save me) save me from the nothing I've become

FACTUAL:
(they wake up to him wide upon my) inside ignited
waked up for above of an
the internal part of tomorrow
(I cannot wake up above), waked up for above
above of an a the call of the Innerens
(warehouse he) my name and me the density
(they wake up to him wide upon my), offered memories
that exceeds my alcohol to the operation
(I cannot wake up above), before this comes I
(warehouse he) demoliert around that one
he them warehouses, all that I if it transformed


Have you heard the rumor that Evanescence is a Christian rock band in disguise? I believe it after reading the true meaning of this song! They’re talking about how inside them Hell is waking up, but God’s trapped in a warehouse and they need to wake up him and let him out to fight the monsters of Hell. I’m a little confused about “operation” though. They’re either talking about the operation of having their souls ripped from their bodies, should they “exceed” the “alcohol” limit, or the family game Operation.

SONG: Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake

ACTUAL:
So you grab your girls And you grab a couple more
And you all come meet me In the middle of the floor
Said the air is thick, it's smelling right
So you blast to the left and you sail to the right

ACCURATE:
Therefore grippate your children and grippate one more
a connection and everything than you
he come who come to the contact in the average the floor
of that is said that the air is strong
feels odor therefore they you only breathing
in the left and to the candles for the line.


Justin Timberlake wants to fart on your children. I can’t believe this. It all makes so much sense to me now. He wants to grippate your children (not to mention grippating one more on top of that) so that he may fart in a room full of candles in the hopes that he’ll explode. If you need some help, Justin, let me know. I can send you a container full of semi-cooked beans. Seriously man, because I want someone somewhere scraping Timberlake off walls.

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