Tuesday

[amy] I. Don't. Like. Lightning.

I'm scared of lightning and thunder. Oh, some people love it and ask me, "Why are you such a scaredy cat, you little woosey baby?" Well, I was shocked by lightning when I was in high school.

I'd like to stress that I wasn't actually HIT. I was standing in my doorway (on a metal frame, duh, but at that point I wasn't scared) calling to my cat to come in from the downpour. Then the lightning hit the ground in front of the house, oscillated through the ground (so they tell me), into the metal, into my legs and I fell backwards down a flight of stairs.

I know, I know: This probably explains a lot about me. But right after that I would have to hide under a bed if there was a storm. No way could I even be near a window. I'm a bit better now, but I don't like touching doors or windows when there's any sign of lightning or thunder.

Today, this morning, it's bad. At home, I made a mad dash out to my car to go to work. As I drove, I kept repeating "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful" with growing frenzy (a la 'What About Bob?') as I navigated the roads in a torrential downpour, with lightning flashing and thunder rumbling.

Then lightning hit a telephone a mere twenty feet in front of me. A gigantic bolt of electricity hit the top of the pole and a huge shower of red sparks rained down on the road like fireworks. Thunder vibrated all the windows in my car. I braked and thought, "Should I drive by? What if the pole lands on my car and there are all these live wires and I get electrocuted? Didn't I see something like that in a movie? What should I-? Should I-?" Wanting to get the hell away, I roared away. Bug eyed, shaking, like, "What just happened?"

Whoa. Weird, right?

When I was getting closer to work, I started planning the route I would run from my car to the front door. Then a huge white light exploded in my rearview mirror and I went, "What was-" Then more window-imploding thunder and more red-sparks. Lightning had just hit ANOTHER telephone pole, one I had just driven by.

THE LIGHTNING WANTS ME. I'm now convinced that it was supposed to get me in high school but never did so now it's going to keep trying until it finally succeeds to electrocute me.

2 comments:

Bill said...

I suppose lots of people have told you this already, but your car may be the safest possible place for you in a thunderstorm. With the rubber tires, you are not grounded so the lightening can't use you to get to the ground (where it so desperately wants to go).Even if your car is hit directly by lightening, you will be completely safe, if rattled by the noise. Of course, this won't help you if a utility pole falls on the car and crushes you.

amy said...

Yeah, Dollar asked me before I left home, "Are you okay? You want me to bring you to work?" I pulled it together and said, "I know I’ll be safe in my car. What could possibly go wrong?"