[tv] Sandra Lee still sucks, Trick my Truck is awesome

I was up at my mom's a couple nights ago. Now, I have a tv but I don't get cable or network programming. It's just something I don't think I need- I'd rather be doing other stuff. But when I DO get to watch tv, I go straight for Spike (Oh, Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, how I've missed you) or Food Network. I've lost all love for MTV and VH1.

I flip on Food Network. Sandra Lee. I detest this woman. Her food is always VILE because "semi-homemade" only means "home assembled" to her. The episode I happened to catch was her Low Fat suite of inedible treats. Vegetables with a broccoli lemon sauce? I'm sorry, you're sauce looked like a cross between hollandaise and whatever dressing Benihana's puts on their salads. Your drinks? Sweetie, I'm all for the mid-afternoon cocktail that turns into several and subsequently passing out by 7pm but that doesn't mean I want to drink gelatin. Your "Berry Amazing Cooler" starts with Jell-O. Jell-No. All the vodka you dumped in was okay (although the big plastic jug made me question the quality of said vodka) and I'm impressed you refrained from taking swings off the bottle (like I know you do when there aren't any cameras around, you little minx!) but I'm so not going to make that drink for any guests I have. They're either going to get Jell-O shots or a mixed drink- not a combination of the two.

Your teriyaki salmon skewers looked all right, though. I'll give you that.

Not being able to stomach any more crappy food, I started flipping through the channels and stopped on CMT to see "Trick my Truck"- the redneck version of "Pimp my Ride". Only Trick my Truck is a billion times better.

1. They work on Mack trucks instead of crappy little beaters. Bigger is always better.

2. The Chrome Shop Mafia guys are way more talented than the West Coast Custom guys. AND they have better names.

3. In particular, I'd like to point out Ryno. On Pimp My Ride, they'll paint the car a solid color and maybe add a stripe or two. Not on Trick My Truck, oh no. The Mack truck is a veritable canvas awaiting the artistic talent of Ryno. In the episode I saw, he painted a wavy American flag that wrapped around the cab and got all shredded toward the back. Then he hand painted an American eagle on the front. (Why so patriotic? The recipient was a former Marine.) He chalks designs on free-hand, then tapes them, then paints them. THEN, get this, in this episode after all the painting is done, the guys decide there needs to be another panel and Ryno's going to have to paint that section to fit in with the rest of the design. Trouble? Not even. He painted it, holds it up in place AND THE DESIGN FITS PERFECTLY.

4. I like that you can tell certain parts of the show are scripted. These guys aren't actors, so when one of them enters the shot and says, "Come on you guys we have a new truck to trick we got a call from so-and-so's wife and they have an 18-month-old daughter with cancer and-" It's like watching a train wreck. It's funny AND it's sad.

5. There is so much they do to these trucks that they can't even show you everything during the re-design. When the driver gets up at the end of the show and opens the door, you're watching it like, "WHOA! Look at that dash! And those petals! The bed! Wow! HOLY COW!" Like, as excited as the guy they did it for. They show you some of the work being done but I'd say they leave 50% until the very end. Which is a nice surprise.

6. I'd go out with any and all the guys on the show. They're funny, good at what they do and aren't too hard on the eyes either.

7. They give the driver a (really nice) loaner Mack truck (which says "My other truck is being tricked" in big letter on the side) so that they can still DO THEIR JOB. I highly doubt they do this on Pimp My Ride.

I could go on and on, suffice it to say that I now loved this show. One guy was retired and wanted to hit the road with his wife so the Mafia made the back of his cab in a home, with a queen size bed, flat panel tv and a fireplace. A fireplace.

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