Anyone Can Be Bought

BARBARA: Will you do the dishes?

AMY: What? I just did them.

BARBARA: Come on.

AMY: Make Jason do it.

BARBARA: Jason asked me to do it.

AMY: So?

BARBARA: …I’ll pay you.

AMY: …How much?

BARBARA: Ten dollars.

AMY: …Twenty.

BARBARA: Fifteen.

AMY: I’ll do it for ten if you take the compost up.

BARBARA: I’ll give you twenty to do the compost too.

AMY: Show it to me.

BARBARA: [Pulling money out of pocket.]

AMY: [Walking over, looking.]

BARBARA: Here. [Hands over twenty dollar bill.]

AMY: [Grabs it.] Sweeeet.

{Later, with half of the dishes done, Amy collects all compost to be brought outside. Trudges through knee high snow, up to garden where a hole’s been dug in the ground. Dumps out one container from fridge, rinses it out with snow, pushes container into nearby snow so it won’t blow away, dumps out another containers, etc, repeat six or seven times. Trudges back to house, wet, feet frozen, nauseous from old, rotten food smell.]

AMY: [Sees Barbara on couch, eating Ben & Jerry’s, watching TV] Fuck you. This is so not worth twenty dollars.

BARBARA: [Smiles nervously.]

AMY: [Finishes dishes.]

JASON: [Returns home.] You did the dishes, Barbara?

BARBARA: No. I… I paid Amy to do them.

JASON: What?

AMY: Twenty dollars.

JASON: You never pay me to do the dishes.

BARBARA: I just REALLY didn’t feel like doing them tonight.

AMY: I wonder what I’m going to spend my twenty dollars on…

JASON: I have to do dishes for free.

AMY: Maybe I’ll get a CD…

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